Denial king

"People, I am telling you. I am NOT exhausted. I am NOT sweating profusely from wearing this fake leather jacket that makes me look like one of those callboys in Manila By Night and I am sure you all feel like I copied Avril Lavigne's way of wearing ties and of course I didn't. My beautiful wife Michelle van Eimeren just burned all my collared shirts this morning in a vain attempt to make me admit that I have had a series of affairs, which I DIDN'T, so I figured, why not wear this unwashed puke-colored t-shirt that I found under the couch on which I have been sleeping for months because Michelle won't let me in the bedroom and then use a tie with it, and then maybe I'd look a little bit more decent. And I simply had to wear these fiercely orange sunglasses because I don't have any rose-colored glasses, and at this point in my career and in my life I need rose-colored glasses to delude myself into thinking I still have a marriage but since I don't have rose-colored glasses these orange ones will do, and come to think of it, these orange ones would do even better than rose-colored ones because at least there is the possibility that I could go blind because of the fierce orange glare I have to stare through and then that'll be my punishment and everything will be all over because then I won't be able to see this horrible, horrible world.

"God, I'm exhausted. It's too hot in here."