Honestly, I don't quite know what to name this

There is a very thin line between sexy photos and lewd photos, the main thing being that sexy photos are quite tasteful, teasing yet leaving things to the imagination, whereas lewd photos assault the imagination pretty much like a horrifying nightmare does.

This photo does leave Aubrey Miles' nipples and labias -- and, well, toes -- to the imagination, but that metal thing she is holding on to that we cannot quite see and thus have to imagine the nature of is rather horrifying. What's it for? Is it like a handle to open up something? Is it for tying a rope to and dragging her around?

Stop. I'm not even going there. I need my sleep. I'm a busy girl.

The difference

You know, the whole point about getting breast implants (aside from them making you look a lot better) is that it means you can afford to pay for them. (Case in point, Kris Aquino. She's tactless and wants to be a Senator, but we at Laitera credit her for her expensive taste in fashion and cosmetic surgery.) And the effect is really fantastic. They look natural, they move naturally, and they can make a girl's life really fabulous in this increasingly physical and superficial world. (it snagged her a Joey Marquez, yes, but it also snagged her a James Yap.)

This, of course, excludes all those cheap implants done in second-rate hospitals by practitioners who have fake medical diplomas hung up on their walls, or in cosmetic parlors by fat and aging women with overbleached skin and overyded hair and eyebrows tatooed with greenish ink. Because really, those kinds are everywhere, and a girl can get a cup D for just Php 5,000 per pair, the only catch being that in environments that are a bit cooler (i.e., in an airconditioned room, or in Tagaytay), these boobs harden.

The former is something to be proud of. A girl has a right to flaunt them. Like Kris Aquino, ergo her lingerie ads. But in the case of Maui Taylor...


... you be the judge.

Self-preservation?

I can't really pinpoint exactly when some genius had decreed that this pose was sexy. From then on, it seemed like every female celebrity had her photo taken where she sits on her haunches in a skimpy outfit (better if the breasts are almost spilling out and the legs are exposed) and stares straight into the camera and tries to look either sexy or happy, never mind that the pose actually makes her look like she's suffering from either diarrhea or constipation. And they don't seem to get that the pose is not flattering at all. Aside from squeezing the thighs till they look humongous, it also foreshortens the legs, accentuates the bumps of the knees, bunches up the abdomen, and makes the poser look like some kind of midget or dwarf.

Still, sexy stars would actually DIE if they didn't have at least one photo of themselves looking like this. Rufa Mae Quinto, being the quintessential "sexy star," of course needs a photo of herself in this generic pose.