Tuesday, January 16, 2007

The legend lives on

Ah! The Metro Manila Film Festival Awards. I am always delighted when it is MMFA season again, as there is always, always something going on there that is not nice. Who can ever forget that sorry "Take it! Take it!" episode in the early nineties when Gretchen Baretto -- not yet in her present status as Her Royal Colorum Consort -- and the overstaying Miss Universe loser from Mauritius, Miss Mauritius, stand on the podium and give the Best Actress Award to Ruffa Guttierez, and then in the middle of the affair Gretchen belatedly balks and announces that the name she saw on card inside the envelope was that of Aiko Melendez? And now here comes the hullaballoo over a criterion pertaining to box office earnings. That's not the worst of it this year, though. The worst part is that the man who had infested the entire Metro Manila with those hideous pink-colored foot bridges and male urinals is one of the judges.

But of course people in the MMFA would act quite base, especially if they have the aesthetics of Bayani Fernando, and if they are dressed like these:


She looks like she was wrapped in a badly done origami tulip, where her torso is the misshapen stamen that ends in a huge ball of blond hair decorated with a bunch of long red fur. In a tragic tribute to the twenties, a bow with uneven ends is tied around the area of her hips, and the stem of this horrific apparition that it Kitkat ends in a long flare that is being held up by a hand (another stem? a leaf?) that is clad in black ruched satin.She is making a statement that not all flowers are beautiful and not all origamis are meant to be done right.

In contrast, Rachelle Anne Go has decided to come as a belted altar cloth.


And then comes Tanya Garcia wearing the vile bubble skirt in a most unflattering length.


This is, by far, the worst length that anyone can wear the vile bubble skirt, as it makes the wearer seem dangerously close to looking like this:


On the practical side, though, the vile bubble skirt can probably act as a handbag. Just an adequate sized slit among those folds in the hips can allow the wearer to carry inside the bulbous hem a bunch of keys, a credit card, a wad of tissues, her compact and lip gloss, a hairbrush, two stained and linty scrunchies, old movie ticket stubs and crumpled Starbucks receipts, used-up wifi cards, a half-eaten chocolate bar, various candy wrappers, a broken pencil, a ballpoint pen stolen from either a bank teller or a sales person in a mall, a weekly planner, an iPod Shuffle, a moldy old id photo from college, assorted loose change, a cellphone and charger, and perhaps a small bottle of mineral water. It will make a whole lot of ruckus when she walks that red carpet, though. But then again, stranger things have been known to happen at the MMFA.

[Photos -- except for the cartoon -- from The Buzz! magazine.]

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2 Comments:

Blogger Mr. Schizophrenic said...

Si Kitkat parang Alien na lumabas sa alien egg/pod something.

8:53 PM  
Blogger Lizza said...

You made me laugh so hard with this one!

The cartoon is actually more pleasing to the eye than what Tanya Garcia is wearing.

10:13 AM  

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