Edibility

Blame it all on Celia Rodriguez for beginning the fad of wearing abstract fashion. With her, though, it absolutely works, as her face is so agelessly beautiful and always beautifully and glamorously made up and her bearing is so regal that she can wear a sack to a black tie gathering and still be lauded as the best-dressed person for the night.

Other people, though, just don't get it.


She looks like a badly done merengue pastry that had begun to melt under the bright and hot kleig lights. She is Goldilocks-bakeshop-slash-high-school-home-economics-first-attempt
-at-icing-slash-modern-art-disaster-who-did-not-even-do-her-makeup-right. If she was trying to imitate Celia Rodriguez, all she was able to ape successfully was, perhaps, well, the silhouette?

[Photo from S Magazine.]

Looks familiar

Another starlet gone the way of Rosanna Roces. I can almost hear the printed flowers on her tube top groaning against the stretching.

And as the plot of the lives of these creatures (the women, not the flowers) go, I can almost see Katya Santos fifteen years from now, seventy pounds heavier, a grandmother to some b-rated philandering-husband-slash-politician's grandson, a bar girl, and some large man's partner on a sex video.

Oh, the pain

Rosanna Roces is wearing a dress so tight that the floral print has actually stretched across her breasts, creating the illusion that the dress is composed of two different prints, and her "shawl," taken from a hundred year-old cavan that holds moth-eaten doilies, is tied lopsidedly at her neck by a safety pin.

Sometimes I wonder why I still feel pain for her. The entire country should be immune by now.

[Photo from The Buzz! magazine.]

So this is what happened to...

Nikki Coseteng. She has become a fixture for drapery.


Not only that, she seems to also have become a geisha gone fat and drab that no obi would fit her, making her acquire the shape of a Matrioshka doll that contains a smaller Nikki Coseteng who has become a geisha gone fat and drab that no obi would fit her and making her acquire the shape of a Matrioshka doll that contains an even smaller Nikki Coseteng who has become a geisha gone fat and drab that no obi would fit her and making her acquire the shape of a Matrioshka doll that contains an even smaller Nikki Coseteng who has become a geisha gone fat and drab that no obi would fit her and making her acquire the shape of a Matrioshka doll that contains an even smaller Nikki Coseteng, and on and on ad infinitum, and when you keep opening and opening these dolls you will get to the core of the entire elaborate nestling system, which is actually a speck of glittery, glimmery eyeshadow powder.

It's quite existential, really.

The plot thickens

Now who can ever forget this outfit, and the famous line that went with it: "Huwag nila itong maliitin dahil hindi madali ang mag-Eskinol sa puwit gabi-gabi." ("They shouldn't belittle this because it's not easy to apply astringent on one's ass every night.")

This photo, taken at an awards night, and way before Rosanna Roces' life took a nosedive, makes me quite nostalgic of the time when she did not yet have a confusing feud with Vicky Belo, have not been Mon Tulfo's girlfriend, did not have a sex video, have not gained two hundred pounds, have not announced on The Buzz that she had been gotten pregnant by the director of photography of the movie Feng Shui and that she had miscarried and all this while she was still married to another man, and did not have a grandchild from a daughter who had been gotten pregnant at sixteen by the equally-underaged son of a senator who is also an actor and who is , strangely enough, a "happily married womanizer."

And we thought, gawking at Rosanna Roces' ass while she was presenting an acting award a few years ago, that it could not get any worse.